We interrupt these literary musings to report on events from real life. Last weekend saw major developments in regard to the proposed union of Andrea and Andy–who already self-identify as The Andees. On Friday there was visit to McMenamins Edgefield, a possible venue for the rehearsal dinner. Accompanying the Andees were Andrea’s mother and your faithful reporter. The McMenamins representative at the meeting was a very upbeat sort who made a great fuss about the engagement ring, heartily approved of the wedding venue, and said that Eve and Michael were “so cute.” The Andees decided to take the room. How could they not? The date is reserved, but the menu has not been finalized.
On Saturday morning the same group made a visit to Camp Angelos, where the wedding will take place. Camp Angelos is a wooded seventy-five acre site east of Portland on the Sandy River near the mouth of the Columbia Gorge. It was a lovely morning for a tour. First we were briefed by Mary Jo, who knows everything there is to know about weddings at the Camp, and who is, of course, on the verge of retirement. Next we were turned loose to wander about the property, where we checked out the lodge, the cabins, the riverside barbecue area, and of course the somewhat isolated “Fisherman’s Cottage.”
Since the wedding is scheduled for the often rainy month of March, the ceremony is set to take place indoors in the main lodge.
The venue also includes a dozen or so cabins.
The cabins feature many amenities. In addition to four walls, each one also includes doors, windows and a roof. For those guests wussy enough to want them, there are also bunk beds and a wall-mounted heater. We also toured the nearby bathrooms, showers, and a large breakfast room. All are quite satisfactory, spacious and well-appointed. The entire camp will be reserved, so no non-wedding guests will be staying.
Will there be food? There will. Dinner will be in the main lodge. We have obtained a sneak preview of the tableware. Your basic camping wedding service. It is not clear whether an iphone will be included with every place setting. Probably not. Nor will the linen colors be necessarily blue. But plans do call for a large and rainproof bar area on the back terrace of the lodge, so who cares about linens?
Enough about venues. What about the important things–the clothes? Well, we have to report a setback in the tuxedo area. Andy had a fitting appointment set for Saturday afternoon, but he and his crew were called back to work just before noon, not too surprising given the bad fire season this year. As for the mother of the bride, Eve also had a Saturday appointment, this one at Anna’s Bridal Boutique, located in the heart of the ultra-posh town of Lake Oswego. Andrea had already picked out her bridal gown at Anna’s, and she knew that Anna also carried a nice line of mother-of-the-bride dresses. No dress photography is allowed at Anna’s, so as to prevent unauthorized copying of exclusive designs, but here’s a detail peek at the dress that Eve selected.
And what’s that other photo? Well, duh, those are things to put on your high heels to prevent the back of your shoes from sinking down as you walk across a soft surface such as grass. I never knew about them before. They come in two sizes: one for normally narrow heels and one for really narrow spikes. Also available at Anna’s are veil weights, a set of magnetic disks that attach to the edges of the veil and prevent it from flapping around when a breeze comes up. ‘Course if it was to get really windy, seems like you’d be better off without a bunch of little magnets flying around. Anyway, I never knew about veil weights either. So much to learn.
And finally, capping off our visit to the big city, Andrea took us to a food truck place in the industrial wilds of north Gresham, just a block from the river and approximately two hundred light years away from Lake Oswego. There were three trucks–burgers, Mexican and Hawaiian–parked next to a beer hall with a big covered outdoor dining area. Yum. There were twelve brews on tap. I tried #6, an IPA called F**k Jeff Sessions that was claimed to contain a bit of CBD. It wasn’t bad.
So much to learn! But such a faithful reporter! Not since the passing of Tom Wolfe have we seen such attention to matters such as venue and attire. The reader is dazzled and grateful, even without a sip of #6.
As always, Mr Witbeck captures the absurdities modern life in succinct phrases, every sentence a giggle. In this report, the reader gets a glimpse into the inflated and often peddling “wedding industry,” a thing that, while we know it exists, we sometimes can’t believe how easily we are sucked in by this $300 billion business. One must finish the full account to be reminded that “buying into it” promises adventure, entertainment, and the sort of fawning in which the engaged couple unabashedly relishes.
Mr Witbeck also appropriately refers to non-outdoorsy types as “wussies.”
Very insightful reporting by the Now Yerk Times.